Sunday, 25 March 2012

FGC2012 #7- Broken

This weeks challenge was to write a Tanka poem.

The Japanese tanka is a thirty-one-syllable poem, traditionally written in a single unbroken line. A form of waka, Japanese song or verse, tanka translates as "short song," and is better known in its five-line, 5/7/5/7/7 syllable count form.

The ceiling her view
Broken heart her companion
Tears her company
No tears could explain the pain
Babies aren’t supposed to die.

After many re-writes finally the finished product. Hopefully it encases the emotion I was looking for.


  1. Heartbreaking. Lovely. Starts strong, with your character looking only at the ceiling, presumably from a lonely bed, disabled by emotion. Ends even stronger. Definitely achieved your goal here. Beautiful tanka.

  2. Wow - your use of such stark imagery--"the ceiling her view"-- is so telling! It immediately paints the picture of your narrator in despair.

    The final line is devastating in its stark simplicity. Well done.

    -Barbara @ de rebus

  3. This is such a strong, heart-wrenching piece. Beautifully done.

  4. Heart-wrenching. You certainly captured the emotion wonderfully.