Saturday 14 July 2012

FGC #19 Prose Poem- THE BOAT




The waves hammer the small wooden boat again and again into the rocks. Each crunch of the vessel is simultaneous to the beat of a heart. The ocean is so much to so many. Providing food, entertainment and even safe passage to a new country. Laughter fills the air as a young girl runs down the beach. Her kite flying in the sky with it’s rainbow streamers fluttering in the wind. An onlooker wondered if she knew the colours she flew were the same of those on his pride flag. He closed his eyes and breathed in the unsullied ocean air. Crack! Crack! Crack! The ocean unrelenting. The wood starts to fracture. Waves took it out and then brought it back in slamming it into the rocks. The hull of the boat was compromised and large cracks started to appear. I watched as the small vessel was pulled away again and thought of it as a person. When it was being pulled away it must have seen freedom and escape. Just like the onlooker had felt when they had approved civil unions. Such a joyous occasion, everything he had been fighting for was just within his reach. Crash! The small boat shattered into pieces when a monstrous wave crashed it into the rocks one final time. Exactly how it had felt when the government changed hands and everything was taken away. The same ocean that is so comforting to so many is also devastating to so many others. A small piece of the wooden boat washes up on the shore. The boat that once was resembles his own hope that this world could accept him for who he is. He watches the wood tumble up on the shore. It slides to a stop and rests in the sand. A small hand encircles it and the child giggles. “Daddy, it’s a door to an enchanted kingdom,” the voice cries as she takes hold of his hand. A smile creeps across his face. The very same piece that was my broken hope turns into something magical for his little girl. She is always there to remind him that when everything breaks apart there is always someone or something that will pull it all back together. Rising from the sand he runs headlong into an afternoon of enchantment.

4 comments:

  1. Carolyn, this is a most beautiful description of the interconnectedness of life. Well done!

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  2. I think this could definitely be classified as imagist poetry, which is typically fairly short by its very nature. Your descriptions are quite vivid and strung together well. I really like "Crack! Crack! Crack! The ocean unrelenting." I've lived on the coast almost my entire life, and the images of the sea are so readily evoked by your words. The only thing I'm not too sure about are when you let exposition invade the imagery. Specifically: "Just like the onlooker had felt when they had approved civil unions. Such a joyous occasion, everything he had been fighting for was just within his reach." and "Exactly how it had felt when the government changed hands and everything was taken away." break the flow and narrow the interpretation that one should be able to make on one's own as a reader. "She is always there to remind him that when everything breaks apart there is always someone or something that will pull it all back together." is also a bit intrusive; the image of the girl and her words already tell the attentive reader this. Finally, I think the personal language doesn't allow a reader to be pulled in fully. The phrase "my broken hope" could be just "broken hope" or "someone else's broken hope", and you might also rethink "I watched as the small vessel was pulled away again and thought of it as a person." I don't mean to be nitpicky; this is a good piece of prose poetry—but I think with a bit of polish it could be an even better piece. :)

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  3. I love how such a small amount of words can evoke different visuals and meanings for different people. My immediate visual was that it was of the Christmas Island disaster - one persons view of it.
    Its a powerfully emotive piece and I loved its intimacy.

    I've played along too - a very short piece..

    http://annieevett.blogspot.com.au/2012/07/broken-fgc-2012-19.html

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  4. I love the transformation that plays out in this piece. Well done!

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